I am so tired atm (1 am) but I want to write before I forget my feelings. In my last post I talked about 35% chance of a new venture. So now I'm at around a 98.5%. It was 35%, because 50% was at the hands of the second party. And the remaining 15% was my mom's blessing. The news is that I will be an au pair this coming fall in the country of Oman. If you know me well, you know this would be a pure dream for me.

A little bit to recap the events, as they happened so quickly. Thursday evening I randomly googled au pairs Oman. I saw a listing for a beautiful family, I knew I couldn't do it but made a profile regardless. Friday morning I had an email from the family showing interest (who needed someone for the summer). Of course knowing it was a wonderful opportunity and perhaps once in a lifetime, I went downstairs to cry at the possibilities (literally). My mom told me to delete my profile before I got more interest messages that would further break my heart. Knowing I couldn't, I emailed back with my response, but checked out their social media. AKA worse heart break!! They did reply though, stating they could wait till August. Knowing THAT could be a possibility, I made fall plans that could accommodate an au pair schedule. I did this so I could have a clear cut plan for my parents (that wouldn't interrupt classes) and give my word to the family and not waste their time. I sent them another email showing true interest and we set up a phone call. All went well and they were interested in me as much as I was them. I was over the moon, but still needed my mom's final yes. At the moment she is still wary, but I feel that is normal for any mom when their oldest child does something this radical and out of the comfort zone. And this is all by early Saturday afternoon. So over a course of 3 days. It is currently Tuesday. Not even a week from when I made a profile. I am thankful to God that he can't even grant me the hope of such opportunities.

At the moment, everything feels pretty concrete. I just need to come up with some dates, I will not know for sure until the 22nd of May which is my orientation for my intership (post before this one) It will end in August, so I will see what my earliest leave date is for that.

Like I said, things are moving and in progress. There are still many things I need to take care of so everything feels very surreal at the moment and I will not truly be excited until I have a plane ticket ;) and I feel it is really really happening.

The first day or two, I really said to myself there are no losses only wins. I told my parents that this was like a dream come true and that there was nothing to lose and all to gain. Of course as the initial fog passes things become a little more clear and reality sets. There is no doubt this is a dream for me. None. But I have to be honest, this is a very hard decision I have to make. There are gains, but not without sacrifices of my own. But I guess this is real life, and this is what's it all about. Taking in the pros and cons that I have come to conclusion with so far. In my heart I feel that what is right, is that I go. As much as there is a little part of me that says- wait it out, there will be another time- I know what I have to do. And if I don't do it (by my choice, not by something that naturally doesn't work out) I think I will regret it for years to come.

So voilà, my gains and losses list.

Losses:
-Luca growing up: his first steps, words, he will most likely forget me.
-My 21st birthday, along with ALL my bff's birthdays (fall and winter baby crew)
-My family's vacation to California after 12 years (our U.S. hometown)
-Winter vacation in Mexico (all my extended family will be present with my exception) I missed going last summer also because I was working. So it will most likely be 3 years till I return.
-I get home sick VERY easily, longest I've been away from my family is two weeks (it was so fast paced, I had no time to think, and so didn't feel it). Almost five months will be tough! !
-I had really awesome classes set up this fall that I will give up for some not so cool ;) but still not missing any school!!
-Miss spending time with those that are important to me (will be sure to Skype ;))
-and again, just missing out on regular normal U.S. life. To me, even to just miss a single joke or a hug, will be momentous. The thought brings me to tears.

Pros:
-I don't interrupt my studies AND experience life (not vacation) abroad
-Close to, if not is, debt free travel
-Cross cultural exchange ;)
-Get to build a bond with an amazing family. I know it sounds cheesy, but I really want us to keep in contact even after I leave them. I am so happy that I feel we already share a connection and a certain comfort. Of course I am very nervous because they are giving me great responsibility. But, I trust that in these coming months I will be more aware of my actions and do what I can to improve my skills in ways I know will benefit my future with them.
-Will look good on my resume as an intl. affairs student (perhaps opens more doors or gives evidence to my passions?)
-Um, Oman is my dream country. Please Google it and fall in love. (Or check out my Oman link to the right)
-I want to pick up Arabic (unlikely) but experience it first hand.
-My dream
-Personal growing experience. With enormous amount of responsibility and discipline that it will take from me.
-Out of my comfort zone for sure!! Completely new people (culture) and place (even just the climate has vast differences)
-Sightsee and visits!
-Tbh knowing that I can do something amazing like this I think gives me confidence, motivation, and more sense of self worth.
-More direction in life to what I want to do career wise, volunteer wise
-& I also tell myself I want to get a job in the area (entire peninsula lol) when I have the ability to, but maybe if it doesn't work out I wont waste my time when I am older
-my dream, and if I know that I enjoy it I will have more specific goals or if I dont like previously mentioned than I won't spend the next 3 or 4 years of my life dreaming what could be. (I've already spent a year doing that ;)).

There are many more, but I think most come under the personal growth umbrella. I mean in all aspects of my life, emotionally, professionally, mentally, spiritually, and even physically I will be affected. But it is a challenge I am willing to take. For the sake of my future and happiness. I am thankful I have such supportive parents and I am so happy to know that they support me because they see something in me that tells them I was made for this and that my heart is in the right place.

It is not easy, but I don't expect it to be. It has not even been a week and I am going through varied emotions. If in the future, for whatever reason, plans fall through I know I did my best to make my dreams come true. And I also feel that even the process is such a growing experience for me. I will be growing a lot this coming year!

This is also helping me grow closer to God. In a way I didn't see coming. Daily I am asking God that His will be done in my life and that He sets me on the path He has made for me. I pray I won't be selfish and listen to make sure I follow what He has in store. I am trusting that He has great plans for me :)

Please pray for me,
Melissa